I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
