never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
