i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
