My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
