I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
