I heard we made out
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
