dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish I only lived at night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
