Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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