I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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