the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
