Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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