Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
