roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
