Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
