I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
