ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
