her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
