It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
