I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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