I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize