I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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