Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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