if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
