Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
