How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
