omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
