Non-Jews are for practice
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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