we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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