1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
