Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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