you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
