Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
