The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
