The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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