i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
