Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
