I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
