The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
