Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
