her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
