google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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