how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
