after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
