I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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