so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
why is half of my head shaved?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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