i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
