the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A+ Viking dick
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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