my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
