New invention idea: vibrating tampons
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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