sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
