Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
